I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
