explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
