That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
