i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
