My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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