Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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