i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
