How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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