I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
