it hurts more in the daytime
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
