just come out here and I will go home with you...
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Randomize
