He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
