I'm so fucking centered right now
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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