She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
