a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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