you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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