I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
