It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
