So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
