Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
