Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
