like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
how does that bad decision feel?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
