I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
