I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My feet surprised me
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