I'm lost and stupid without you.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
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