I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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