i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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