It's Friday. Sex?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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