i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
