im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
