I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
