you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
