PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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