Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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