Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
