apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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