that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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