so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize