how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
