dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
