update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
