Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Farmville is her only friend.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
