The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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