you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
