i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
