I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
