its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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