I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
