May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize