I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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