You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
