Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
