You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I got inside last night via doggy door
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
