you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
