don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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