apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
what day is it and did you see me today?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
