His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize