This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
