k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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