This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
