This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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