He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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